when you get to relive a moment the way it should have been …
the first time. I couldn’t believe it when I saw him at the club, a whole year later. I met this kid while he was on vacation, had a torrid love fling, then cried like a baby when he left and never broke up with his girlfriend and basically never made an effort. Why did I fall so hard for this guy? I don’t know… He is ultra charming and good looking. So here we go again, after not being in contact for almost a year, he comes to look for me and I, having no grudges against him, of course am nice, talk, make him spend money on fake drinks and then exchange numbers. and me meet again … Except this time I drank. ALOT. I am still numb from the booze last night. I don’t know if that killed the sex FOR ME, but it was NOT the exciting event I remembered so fondly. Really. I think I know what it is, I DO see through him now, and I can’t believe it. What a fool I was. To take a fuck for something that it never was. At my age you would expect me to see this, and for the most part I do. But I was not so aware when I met him a year ago … And I realized he is NOT the man I want. The things that came out of his mouth, its like, whoa you are stupid. Complaining about kids in south america being kidnapped to make cocoa while he is wearing new pumas. PLEASE. Complaining about life and still tied down to his material things, never allowing his dreams to go for a ride. A man who says he doesn’t like quitters but never even tried. Folded up in a charade, a puppet to a corporation he sold his soul to. Yet HE got to me before, HE got to me. I let that be. And now I can say that I have let someone go because they really aren’t for me. they aren’t on the pedestal I placed men on before. He is nothing to me and I am at peace with that.
